I have been through probably every emotion possible except romantic love.
When I first arrived to NYC I was blown off my feet!! All the music, theatre, dance, old buildings, cultures, races, gay people, restaurants, museums, drag queens, bars, aspiring artists, wall street guys, hipsters, models, manorexics,anorexics, left over wall street protestors that are homeless and are addicted to heroine, crazy people that roam the street, aspiring dancers, aspiring actors, uptight republicans, mega liberals, hare krishna chanting people, dog owners and essentially every type of person and place you can think of are all found in one city.
throw in a hurricane, some snowstorms and now tropical rain storms
and personal transformation. injury and illness.......
It has literally taken me these 10 months to process it.
Dance wise I would like to say that I have grown alot since I arrived; my mind is much more open to all forms of dance and I also now know why I dance and what I want to do with it and how i dont give a f- about other peoples opinion...including teachers. That being said I obviously would prefer to be approved of :)
Personally I have learned to be completely comfortable being alone, Because I have been alone so much it has brought in a lot of self discovery. I spent a majority of the time here feeling depressed probably brought on by being lonely. I now have learned to be grateful that I am homesick because I have been blessed with knowing and befriending and living with amazing loving, giving and responsible beings.
I finally snapped out of the depression when I grew completley comfortable with myself and finally listened to my own advice which was to fully love myself and not care about other people think.
Also it helped that I finally have made some very few but lovely friends and the whole time I had a great job to go to where I could see people who were older and happier than me.
School here is quite intense . The schedule is very busy but not overwhelming to me physically as much mentally. It was extremely hard for me to interact with the people/gaggle of girls because for so many years I have avoided most society in general because I have been quite weary of how they will treat me and have set up a protective barrier. Now I have taken it down finally ....and have nice acquaintances at the school but not any genuine friendships; which is totally fine.
I also had a fascinating rooming experience; which I guess is necessary and part of the dorm life experience; needless to say I have listed it with high school as not completely damaging but not something I am will wistfully think of returning to.
Luckily I have work and a life outside of the school keeping me sane!
I love my job, my coworkers everything. It is what has kept me sane and has provided me a safe haven that I could go to. There was one point where I dreaded being in my apartment/dorm and would walk in the streets for as long as possible to get away from the environment there. My coworkers were always very kind and understanding and I honestly owe ALOT to them.
Overall I am so happy I stuck it out and lasted the school year. I am much more confident in my dancing and person. I am very grateful and happy, I still miss my friends at home yet I no longer think that I should be there or am missing out NYC is where I am meant to be for now :)
Next Monday I start an Intensive at the Gelsey Kirkland Ballet academy and I am super excited to go!!!!
also grateful because I havent danced in two weeks because I was having alot of pain in my achilles but its all been fixed by my amazing chiropractor who happens to be an ex dancer....but more on that later!! For now i must go to the gym!!!
-Sofia
No comments:
Post a Comment